Valentine's Day; Adult Style

Well, the boy that kept me busy blogging this summer is still at it nine months later:

I've never had a more perfectly executed holiday in my life. He pulled out all the stops & for a boy that loves football & hunting, I am DAMN impressed (yes, still impressed a month later). He ended the note with "9 months down, with forever to go." & in the nicest Greek restaurant in town, I had one of those fairytale moments that I've only seen on the silver screen. I have always been hesitant to publicize about how happy & lovey dovey I am, but I think that is over. Being in love, not infatuation, but REAL love is absolutely amazing. It has turned me into a person I had no clue I could be & if more people could experience genuine love from another person there'd be a few less pills for depression & a few more floral companies. I'm not bragging, I'm advocating. I'm advocating that every person who reads my blog realizes that they are a human being & just by being human you are AMAZING! Once you realize how truly amazing you are, you realize you deserve no less than amazing. The act of loving someone is amazing & rewarding. Get off the anti-relationship bandwagon, let your guard down, meet a fabulous person & never let them go.

-LC

Inhibited.

I think my inability to take things seriously is starting to really play against me. I laugh at myself, I laugh at others, ideas, religions, science, politics, farts, belches, cat videos & when people fall/fail. I find humour in just about everything except when people step on my shoes or when there is a spider/wasp/bee/etc. in the room. I laugh when I'm nervous. Laughter is basically my means of dealing with things when I don't think it should be taken too seriously. I don't see a problem in any of this. I thing that if more people learned to laugh about themselves & not take who they are & what they believe too seriously, we'd all get along a lot better. Lately though, I don't think being laid back is playing to my advantage.

I think people in power write me off as an air head, insincere, & uninterested. Why? I can't safely speak for the people who view me as such, but I believe it comes from an inability to put an immediate label on me. Here is my reasoning: First, I take pride in my appearance (when it counts) & being on top means looking like you're on top. That said, I don't mind wearing clothes that a 21 year-old SHOULD wear. Just because I don't wear button ups, slacks, & loafers does not mean I'm not sincere. By taking pride in what I wear, I think I'm two steps ahead of the game. Sure someone older & more professional than me can get the job done, but I can can do it with PIZZAZZ! To those who say 'who needs pizzazz'? I say, 'we all do.' Life in America is dull, trivial, & predictable, & getting up in the morning & putting on a fresh pair of heels & some red lipstick is what I do to fill my life with a little spark.

Secondly, positions I am going for are held & supervised predominantly by women. Women get intimidated by other women & no matter what the age; I am intimidating. I am 21, well spoken, gradually educated, outgoing, a non-eye sore, & WORST OF ALL I'm a pretty damn nice person. Most women my age & older take that and treat me like I am below them just because they hold a position of power & I don't. They perceive my niceness as a means of achieving when in reality my niceness comes from a personal desire to be nice & put others at ease. Being a nice person to me is not about what I can get out of it, but how it can make others feel. If there is still a glass ceiling, it is perpetuated by other women at this moment.

Finally, when I treat the issues in life as trivial that others find vastly important, they take that as a direct insult & label me as I have previously stated. I don't feel like I need to put anymore explanation into this other than this; If I make light of something you feel is hugely important, don't be a pansy & hold it against me. SPEAK. UP. You were given a voice for more than water cooler gossip, Ladies.

-LC

When Meeting Russians

... Make sure you have a Russian name.

This past weekend, I went to Lake Table rock with the boy and some of his friends; and let me tell you, I have never been so thankful to have a mispronounced name in my life. I am named after my dad, Larry Dwayne Cross. Of course, it is impossible to name a girl Larry, so my parents chose the next best thing; Larissa. Coincidentally, it is a Russian name which became poular in the U.S. after the movie Dr. Zhivago became popular. Luckily for me, the Russians aboard the boat I went out on with were big fans of my name and I had an automatic in with the group. It is always a plus when you get the approval of the friends.

After an eight day absence of the main squeeze, it was great to spend the weekend with him and my favorite people. I got to see my roommate and bestie turn 23, my long lost love Savannah came down from Arkansas and my boy returned from Florida on Friday for a night for the books. I love celebrations and my friends. Good things continue to happen and I am a blessed individual.

... And a strong parting shot of Amber showing off my man cave sign.

-LC

The High Fidelity Complex

I suffer from the "High Fidelity" complex. For those of you who have been living under a rock and have not experienced the awesome, cinematic gold that is "High Fidelity" starring John Cusack, I cannot help you. Here is your only lifeline; spend 9 bucks HERE, knock out the movie and then continue reading this.

Anywho, I have the two classic symptoms. 1.) Failure to commit and 2.) Pursuit of the fantasy. I present my case to a jury of my peers. Judge away.

Symptom #1 - Commitment issues

I find relationships intolerable, because I like to keep my options open. Why should I be tied down to one man when Prince Charming could come along at any second. Believe me, I know how idiotic and naive that sounds. I cannot tell you the countless conversations I have had in my head while listening to Belle and Sebastian, kicking back a Honeymoon and porch sitting. The point is, I don't like to limit myself and in the past a relationship has meant I am boxing myself in and therefore I am left option less. I can't help but relate to Rob when he says,

"I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments."

I have never fully committed to someone. I have never allowed myself to because of that whole options fetish. But I cannot simply chock it up to that reason alone. The main reason I am a detached, pathetic human being is because I'm scared. I have been left before. I have had heartbreak, and all that junk you hear on the radio and I would like to opt out of anymore of it, Thank you. But for once in my 20 years of life, I have found that the risk I am taking by thinking about my future, caring about someone, letting them see every aspect of who I am, that there is a pleasure, that just cannot be met by being aloof.

Symptom #2 - All about the Fantasy

I am in love with the chase. I love the fantasy that ensues with every knew relationship. Nothing is boring and everything is a first. You don't have to think about the other persons habits that will potentially drive you up the wall and vice versa. My catch 22 is that, every relationship is perfect in the beginning for me. I only see the good, which is the fantasy and surprise. But every relationship, save one in the past, has ended because I become bored. Leave it to Rob to express how I feel,

Rob: I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really...
Laura: Delivers?
Rob: Delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you, so....

I have finally made the realization it is rare that any of these pursuits will deliver. I don't mean that in the sense that relationships in general are doomed for failure. I mean that in the sense that, every relationship I pursue simply for the thrill of the fantasy is doomed. If I continue to pursue people simply because I am intrigued by the fantasy, then what happens when the fantasy is over? Absolutely nothing.

I am finally understanding that to make a relationship work, it should be pursued because the desire to be with that person, make them happy is the motivation behind it all. Instaed of simply wanting the fantasy, I want it all from someone; the good and the bad and no exceptions, Thanks.

Prescription - Take the Leap

I've got to get off the male hating, relationship fearing, band wagon and, frankly, grow up. It is the oldest card in the world for people to play and I am sick of being Negative Nancy when it comes to relationships. Why am I denying myself the potential happiness I deserve because I'm such a chicken? So, the doctors orders are in and it is time for me to grow a pair, get over my fear and take a risk.

Cure?

Be in a facebook OFFICIAL, sleeping over, meeting the parents relationship with a boy I am flat out crazy about. ; )

I'm excited to see what the future brings. Stay Tuned!

-LC

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Larissa Does Germany

Correction: I only partook in their food ... in Arkansas. I know, I know. I wouldn't expect much from Arkansas and their take on German food, BUT The Bavarian Inn KILLS IT!

I pretended to be a food critic for a minute. I could not help documenting the huge feast I partook in. Sauerkraut soup, and roast duck. Needless to say, I'm a little less mad about that whole World War II thing.

I bring this up, because I did the annual Cross Family Venture to Eureka Springs this past weekend. Always a good way to start off the summer. Today is Wednesday. Thursday I am meeting up with a photographer as a precursor to becoming a model for him. No worries. He's not a perv, so I won't end up nude in shot 64. I'm excited. Mainly because I have never done anything like this and there's nothing like a new experience to spice life up life a bit. However exciting this may be, I am LIGHT YEARS more excited about what Friday is bringing. Friday, I will be traveling to Shell Knob, Missouri, to pick up the missing piece of my life. A bloodhound. I'm buying him from Country Lake Bloodhounds. Their homepage has the Beverly Hillbillies theme song going, so you know it is legit. I have wanted a bloodhound for some time. I've put a lot of hours into figuring out whether or not I need this dog, and it just feels perfect.

I'm real satisfied on life right now. Everything is just perfect. Expect an update of my joy with my dog later this week.

-LC

Closing shot of me and my parents dog heading back home.

A Late, but Still Windy Chicago

Well, it has been well over a month since I have returned home from Chicago and I am just now getting a chance to sit down and blog about it. This should tell you something about how ridiculous this semester has been lately. I'm so burnt out on school, it is ridiculous. I need summer like crazy. I want river time, sunshine, sunglasses, bare shoulders, star watching and late nights. Anywho, CHICAGO!

I went to Chicago with the Sociology club at MSSU for the Midwest Sociology Convention. It was my first time in Chicago and it blew me away...Literally! We stayed at the Mariott Mile High Hotel and It was the perfect way to see the city.

We were right in the heart of downtown and literally minutes away from everything. The second day, the roomie and I skipped out on classes and took a trip to Boys Town. It is the largest and first official Gay Community in America. The shopping was out of this world, the people were friendly and we took in plenty of good sightseeing. In Boys Town, the bars stay open till 3 a.m. during the week and 5 a.m. on the weekends. We went during the day, but the area was practically alive with activity and overall good vibes.

One of my favorite things about the trip, was getting to spend A LOT of quality time with people I find substance and admire as fellow students. And of course I got to hang out with my favorite professor, Dr. Conrad Gubera.

I have him and the convention to thank for giving me the solidity I needed in my decision to change majors and put my faith in Sociology being the direction I need to take my college career.

So, to keep this post from being a novel, I'll wrap up with saying Chicago did not rule out the possibility of going to the University of Chicago some day. I am adverse to cold weather and wind, but the city itself is darn near perfect. I found it exactly to my liking and if I call it home some day, I won't complain... That is if the whole state of Illinois doesn't implode before I get there. : ) Here's a picture Ms. Quakenbush (The Chicago roomie) snapped of me on the subway at 2 a.m.. Needless to say, I SURVIVED THE SUBWAY! It was my first time and being a midwestern girl, I was pretty darn proud of my ability to manage myself in such a large, foreign environment.

-LC

P.S. EVERYONE IN THE MIDWEST IS A BUNCH OF LIARS!! If you ever want REAL Chicago style pizza, go here:

And get the four cheese and think of me when you are going to heaven on a little garlic and cheesey cloud. Graffiti is strongly encouraged here, so Glendola busted out her finger nail police and we got our vandalization on. Here's a closing shot of me with my handy work.

Home

Yep. Got a House. Stay tuned to see if I can keep it ; ) Move in date is the 26th. Until then I'll be pretty scarce. Wedding on the 27th and back to school on the 29th. Chicago for the Sociology Convention on the 31st - 3rd of April and Jefferson City on the 12th and 13th. Too bad I won't be able to enjoy this little beauty too much for a bit. Can't have your cake and eat it too, right? More to come.

-LC